To continue the litany of inaporopriate and possibly unhealthy behaviors and words I'd like to talk for a minute about the person who likes to "call the game" from a position of onlooker or hindsight observer; the why and what sayers.
1 "Why keep trying for a baby; why not adopt?"
2 "Why didn't you call 911?"
3 "Why didn't he go to the doctor?"
4 "When will you get back to 'normal'?"
5 "Why didn't you make him take his meds?"
First, let me just ask where were YOU when it all went to hell? Were you around then with helpful suggestions? How does this third degree make my pain lessen?
1 We tried for another child for the same reason anyone does...we wanted to share the love. And yes, when we learned the cause for our miscarriages, we considered adoption.
2 We DID call 911 in the case of our grandson ... The law does not provide for follow up until the deed is done!
3 I TRIED to make my husband go to the doctor for his b/p and other things. He was an adult male and would not listen. I am not wonder woman and had no way to force the issue.
4 If you can actually ask me when things or I will get back to normalcy be advised: THIS is the new norm for me. So get over it.
5 I tried, we ALL tried, to get him stable on his meds..again with the wonder woman thing. He was a strong 20 year old male and could not be forced into anything.
Please believe that there is nothing you can say along the guilt line that i have not already said to myself. I will always have the "what if's" to contend with in my own psyche.
And i am only speaking here from my own experience and the hurtful things said to me.
I DO realize that none of these folks had malice in what they said. They simply did not know anything else to say.
My advice to that is please just say nothing if you are not sure. It is much better that you just sit here with me and accept my feelings.
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