I move into the tiny room.
Has it been a year?
Or just a lifetime?
Each step is further into the abyss.
Can i still see your peaceful face?
I sit upon the waiting chair and reach out for your hand.
Can i be alone now, so long without my best friend?
The chaos in my head does not disrupt my movement - i am not really here!
I simply make the expected gestures and pretend.
How long has it actually been since that day?
You are not cold, like my frightened heart.
You lie quietly on the narrow bed.
Even now - these many days passed- i try to understand the why's and what if's. I don't.
The others stand around us and all i hear is silence...i can not move from your side.
Today i watch as the scene plays out so often in my mind.
Like a sad, sad song or a poorly written script, it drags on.
I ask the nurse if you can stay in that tiny room instead of going down with all the dead..."he does not know them" i explain.
And she agrees. Says you can wait right here in the little room.
So many lifetimes later i try to bargain ...maybe i could go in place of you.
The answer is always the same and i have to reinvent my life again.
Without you.
